Lockdown is nearly over !

It’s been a long time, since normal life was in play, now I can’t remember what normal is any more , it’s a metaphor for something you used to do ? And I’ve forgotten what that was…

Life for me has never felt so relaxed or should I say I’ve become lazy.. and I seam to have sat on my arse a lot, not in the early days but lately I seam to sit down more and I don’t seam to stress about it. Which is not like me at all. I really can’t be bothered about anything .. I’ve adapted myself to this way of living.

Home school in the morning and painting or walking the dog or chilling at home in the afternoon. seams to be my life. I haven’t been out shopping or met anyone I’ve become a recluse not just at home but In life. Work is starting to unravel and my new job is starting back at one day a week or should i say one half day a week! I haven’t a clue what they plan to do with me and I don’t think they know either.. it’s ok I’m being paid to be at home. Enjoy it whilst I can, this doesn’t happen in real life. I’m thankful because Thomas is off school now until sept so I am right where I am supposed to be.. teacher , mother, provider. Our relationship has always been good, and it’s blossomed even more. Like before he started school back when he was 5, my gosh I missed him my side kick best friend and now I’ve rekindled that old love again and we are inseparable. These times we will never get again I’m so blessed to be able to be at home. This was a great phase this feeling of being where I should be, this has now unfortunately changed into being worried!

I’m worried I’ve become unfit and fat and lazy! I’m concerned that at my age I need to keep moving for for my health sake and to keep the body moving ! but I honestly can’t be assed!! I started running and did the couch to 5k over lock down but my sciatica started playing up and I thought I’d this really worth the hassle ! I’ve decided to dance myself fit by playing banging tunes thought my headphones and hiding in the shed and letting myself go for an hour! Rob reminded me that, that would probably set my sciatica off too!! I haven’t started it yet..

Since I was outgoing busy working mum , house wife, cleaner you name, this change is massive! I rarely sat down until after tea time, now I find it hard to get up to cook the dam tea. Will I ever get back to normal! Or is this my new normal who knows !!

I’ve been thinking about it and it seams lots are people are feeling the same.

Maybe the high pressure of fear at the beginning of lockdown has now wiped us all out 4 months later ?

I hate how I feel, I really can honestly say I don’t want to do anything and I’m angry at myself and tell myself come on get up, cook the tea , walk the dog ! I need to start kicking again , I need to start living again.. I wonder am I going through one of my depressive phases !

lockdown hasn’t been good to me mentally in these past few weeks because I’ve had enough on the mundane routine but I’m scared to start backup because covid is still out there. I’ve been having really weird vivid dreams for two weeks, laughing and shouting in my sleep, my brain feels scrambled and all muddled before I go to bed so that’s it helping.

I did joe wicks fat burn 25 min workout yesterday first bit of fitness for about 4 weeks ! Funny how I started lockdown doing this everyday and running keeping fit to then burn out of enthusiasm.. anyway I woke up today and can’t move my body every thing hurts! I’m thinking I’m getting to old for all this !!

But I must keep going I need my fitter body back and energy and I need to feel alive !!!

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