1- I will listen to my body and mind when feeling stressed or anxious. Being in tune with yourself takes some working at, but If like your like me and has had periods of anxiety throughout their lifetime you can usefully figure out why it happening. You can then choose to listen to yourself and know when to stop, and be selfish and take some time out. this is also the time for that keepfit class, meditate or do what ever it is that helps you to de-stress. I have learnt this the hard way. I forgot to listen to myself and carry on like a marter , that led to me having a very long time off work! From now on I will listen to myself.
2- smile every day. I know it sounds very cliche but smiling does make you feel better, even if it’s forced. When I was off sick with anxiety I forced myself to smile and it did make me feel better. Thomas and I started to force laughter on the way to school in the mornings we had a laughing competition, which in turn led to real laughter and giggling fits. Which in turn made me feel great, laughter releases serotonin which make you feel happy. So go on smile even if it’s to yourself.
3- push yourself out of your comfort zone. This may be very scary and yes it is, but by pushing yourself will actually make you grow. You will be come stronger person for doing it, they say do something every day that scares you! Not sure I’d that’s the right phrase.. but of your feeling stagnant and un challenged maybe doing something will help that. I’ve pushed myself over the last 3 weeks to do things that I was scared of and even eat new meals I’ve never tried before which is huge for me, as being a fussy vegetarian is challenging. But i felt I had achieved something, I expanded my growth. I felt good about myself and proud and that lead to me feeling very happy.
4- leaving the past behind and being present. I’ve written a whole blog on it already, but you need to take the lesion you learned from the past and leave the rest behind, we know that the past is gone it’s unchangeable, what’s done is done, you can’t change it, you also can’t plan a future because that’s not set out for you either, the bast way to feel truly happy is to live in the moment the here and now. Be present. We can plan dates in the diary to do things in advance but they are just dates. They may not even happen due to other influences such as sickness or other commitments things happen out of our control. Don’t put off what you can do today.
5- live your life the way YOU want to live. Don’t live your life waiting for others to lead the way or put off your dreams because it doesn’t fit with your partner or family. Don’t live a life that you think others want for you, you have to be true to yourself, following your dreams aspersions will make you happy. It isn’t up to your husband or wife to make you happy! It’s about making you making you happy. I have learnt this lesson myself being married twice and being in relationships where I have put my own happiness in their hands and I have fallen and hurt myself and realised no one else can make you happy. The only person who can do that is YOU. My mother in law wanted to live to Cornwall it was her dream, but she kept putting this dream off because of her adult children and her grandchildren’s needs, she died before she could make her dream come true, that is so sad because the children would have been happy for her to move because that’s what she wanted to do which would make her happy ! It is OK to content your soul’s desire.
6- remember that relationships are seasonal. This is a hard one for me, I’ve thought long and hard about having friendships and why don’t they last. I beat myself up because I have a very tiny amount of friends and most of them are family members. We get pulled and pushed in different directions and life is busy. And sometimes that friendship slips and falls away and we then feel guilty because we haven’t been in contact. I feel bad I haven’t made the effort. But I have come to learn that the friends we loose along the way are just part of the journey. Seasonal is a lovely way to put it. This also goes For relationships, my first marriage I felt I had out grown him in the end I was seeking development in my work place and he was stagnant in his, he wanted to move up the ladder without putting in any work. And I moved up the ladder because I had! This contributed to the end of my marriage, he held resentment that I was trying to better myself. If you look back at past relationships they happened in a different time we learn from them, But they were seasonal. It may feel sad to think like that but we can’t hold on to someone that doesn’t let you grow or be yourself true friends will stick, and I have learned I have to put some Effort in to keep them all year round.
7- being honest. Being honest about your feelings and thoughts is the same as being true to oneself, by not saying the things that hurt or upset you, keeps you in a suppressed State, then you are only hurting yourself. Honesty is the best policy, if you are true to yourself how can this be harmful, you can rest assured you did what was right for you, which in turn will fill you with contentment and leave you with no regrets. Many times I have not spoken the truth as of fear of upsetting someone, but the the only person you are hurting is yourself, the other person won’t have learnt how to treat you and no lessons will be learned. Remember that the lessons we learn help us to grow and develop into better human beings. Being true to yourself, being honest will make you happy.
8- Do things that make you happy. This might be knitting or painting, or listening to music going for walks, going to that keepfit class. Reading a book. Playing football with your kids. Make sure you take time out to do the things you love, it may sound selfish and yes it is. As long as we don’t shut out our loved ones and keep them involved then every wins, my husband knows that arts and crafts are my thing, he doesn’t mind if I sit and create for an hour a night as he knows this makes me happy. He also knows that going to the keepfit class reduces my anxiety and stress and is good for my mental health, so he doesn’t begrudge me doing that either, having a hobby is a good thing. I’d encourage you all to get one as long as it’s benefiting you and making you happy.
9- love unselfishly, Now this I am still trying to adapt and learn for myself, it’s hard being in a relationship whether it be a new one or a old one they all need to be worked at. Funny when I was younger I thought that. Being married would be easy and that everything would run like a fairy tail, and it would just work out! Being divorced I understood that relationships need working at forever! Loving your partner may be easy at times and hard at others. But someone told me about the love bank! We have to put in deposits to the bank, because when we have a row or feeling like we don’t connect, withdrawing funds start to happen, then you go into the overdraft and eventually the account is closed because your in debt. So adding to the love bank is a necessity to a good loving relationship. Loving someone unselfishly also means to forgive them. This is hard when you’ve come from broken relationships, and sometimes loving doesn’t come easily to others. But being in love, loving others also makes you happy gives you a feeling of contentment so never give up loving, give it your all be honest to yourself, learn from the past lessons, smile at your loved ones make your life your own and trust if it’s seasonal then So be it. Just be happy.
10- adapting all you have learnt and put it into action. Empowering yourself to take action and make yourself happy is the best thing you can ever do for yourself, don’t be scared Adapt the other 9 lessons to be a personal individualised way learning to be Happy, I’ve just given you some suggestions on how to do it, it doesn’t mean that what I do will be good for you, but somethings may just trigger another thought process on how you can change things or make them better ! In the long run life is to short, we live in a world full of pressures and social media being one of the main culprits, we are neglecting people for our phones ! Let’s stop and make ourselves truly happy, invest in yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. I am going to try harder too. Keep a journal write down your fears aspersions hopes and dreams, this will also help to clear your mind think straight and help to relive stress and anxiety and this lead to you feeling happier. Life is a work in progress never stop working at it ! Love you xx